Avatar 3D 12A (2009)
Dir: James Cameron; Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Joel Moore, Michele Rodriguez
Note to James Cameron – if you can’t be bothered coming up with a proper story then I can’t be bothered writing about your over-inflated, over-long excuse for a film that’s nothing more than a patronising morality tale that actually made me want to destroy the planet. I really tried to go in with the right attitude – “just take it for what it is, it’s a breakthrough in visual entertainment, don’t look too deeply at the content” – but I’m afraid I just couldn’t.
I spent most of the film rolling my eyes at its condescension both to me (I think I’m ok for constant recaps of the threadbare plot, thanks very much) and the ‘natives’ on Pandora, the Na’vi, whose primitive, earth mother existence is threatened by the nasty humans mining their land for something or other whilst not appreciating their culture. On top of this you’ve got every cliche in the book, from the gun happy Republican general to the Pocohontas style simplistic ‘insights’ provided by the Na’vi woman who ends up with the disabled ex-marine Jake Sully – oh, what an interesting and contemporary idea, that a disabled man can walk again through his Avatar on another planet. Then there’s Rodriguez as a half-baked good guy, driving her aeroplane around spouting Seagal-esque lines like “I didn’t sign up for this” and “yeah, you will run bitch”.
I have nothing positive to say about Avatar other than it provided some proper belly laughs for the journey home.